to whom it may concern.

i don't remember deciding that our friendship depended on ME. i was always under the impression that a friendship was a two way thing.

i am so sorry.
(please understand that that is slightly sarcastic)

i have apologized over and over that i have been so busy. you know (or you should) that i would love to spend all my time with you. so sorry that my senior project, senior recital, YWAM stuff, my JOB, my family, scholarships, and applications have gotten in the way with our hang out time. i'm sorry that EVERY SPARE MOMENT of my time is not spent with you. what do you want me to do about this? since, you know, maintaining our friendship is MY job.

i honestly don't understand why you think i would be avoiding you or that i don't love you. that is ridiculous. what part of my schedule do you not understand?!! the part where i go to school everyday or the part where i have to work on the weekends?

furthermore, you KNOW how easy it is to make me feel bad. i'm a sucker for a guilt trip. it doesn't help that every time i do get to see you, all i hear about is that i don't love you and don't want to spend any time with you blah blah blah. honestly, do you think thats going to make me want to spend time with you? it just makes me feel even MORE inadequate.

so instead of always blaming me or giving me a hard time, why don't YOU do something about it? why don't you call me or text me or something? ask for a time when i'll be free.

i know this is a harsh entry. and i would never say this to your face because you would be heartbroken. and thats the LAST thing that i want. i really do love you. thats why i'm even writing this.. because our friendship is worth all of this to me. and i know you'll never read this. but i just had to get it off my chest.

so, i'm sorry (sincerely this time).
i just can't handle everything right now. i'm barely hanging on as it is.